Resolving Offenses

21 October 2012

1. Introduction

· Lk.17:1-3 “It is impossible that no offence should come”

· Wherever there are people there will be offences.

· Offences can produce dramatic and lasting damage to people and relationships.

· Offences will come to every person – key issue is how you deal with them.

· Vs3 “Take heed to yourselves” – Jesus warning to guard ourselves in issue of offences.

· Mt. 24:10 “Many will be offended, will betray one another and will hate one another”.

2. What is an Offence?

(a) What it is not!

· We tend to think that an offence is anything a person does that “hurts me” or results in me “feeling bad”.

· James 3:2 We all stumble (offend) in many things, if anyone does not stumble (offend) in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.

· All people sin, make mistakes, struggle to communicate properly, tend to self.

· Many of the things that “hurt us” are the result of immaturity and self-centredness.

(b) What an Offence is

· Offence =NT4625= ‘Skandalon’

= a trap, a snare, a stumbling block

= an impediment placed in the way that causes a person to stumble.

· It is inevitable that the actions of others or their failure to act can be a cause of stumbling to others.

· Many things can cause people to stumble, to be offended.

· People are offended by:

(a) The Truth (b) Jesus (c) Correction (d) Counsel (e) Unmet expectations

· Correction that people consider an offense is not a snare to draw them into sin but an act of love to help them out of sin.

· People often react, become offended and then stumble others, infect with offense.

· The key issue is how you respond! – this is a choice.

3. Your Response to Offense is a Matter of Life or Death / Prison or Promotion!

(a) Bible Examples of People who become Offended

i) Gen.4:5-8 Cain – offended by God’s correction – Anger and Murder

ii) Gen.37:4-8, 18 Joseph’s brothers – offended at immaturity – Hate, Murder

iii) 1 Sam. 18:7-13 Saul – offended at Daniel’s popularity – Hate, Murder

iv) 2 Ks 5:9-17 Naaman – offended at God’s Ways – Anger and Rage

v) 2 Sam 15:1-11 Absalom – offended at Daniel’s failure – Betrayal, Murder

vi) Num. 14:1-4 Israel – offended by spies report – Anger, betrayal

vii) Mk.6:17-19,24 Herod’s wife – offended at the truth – Hatred and Murder

viii) Mk 3:6 Pharisees – offended at Jesus work – Hatred and Murder

(b) How People Usually Respond (Mt 12:34)

· Draw others in by repeating their story to them.

· Repeat their story in a way that highlights their hurt and injustice.

· Never talk about the real reason they are in pain or assume responsibility.

· Nurse their hurt rather than resolve it Jesus Way.

· Draw others into their offense to justify self.

· Seek to bring others into agreement with them.

· Make them feel like they feel.

· Draw them to agree with their judgement of the ‘offender’.

· Draw them onto “my side” i.e. create division.

· Seek for you to tell them they are right to hold these attitudes.

· Willing to sacrifice your future, damage your heart and relationship with that person in order to justify themselves and prove they are right.

Prov.26:24-27

· Hatred is at the root of the behaviour – love always seeks to restore.

· Words that carry a spirit of offense – taste sweet – they resonate within us – they wound our spirit and ability to love.

· Prov.26:17 Meddling with strife = taking dog by ears.

(d) Passive Listening = Agreement

· We tend to listen to people because we care about them and want to help them.

· Don’t just listen and agree – give Biblical direction or become angry and offended.

Prov. 18:17 There are two sides to a story.

Prov. 18:13 Don’t come to conclusion without hearing the other side.

· Give Bilheal direction! Mt18: Have you spoken to this person about it?

4. How to Deal with Offences

(a) You feel Offended

Mt.18:15 “Go and talk face to face with a heart for restoration”

(i) Bring it to the Lord first – Ask the Holy Spirit to help!

Expose feelings – how did you lose your peace?

Expose judgements – what do I need to face?

Forgive and bless the person! – Choice! e.g. Joseph; Gen 45:4-5

(ii) Resolve it with the person

Ask for a suitable time and private place to meet.

Get to the point – identify the specific action and how it affected you.

Listen to understand the other person.

Own your part – repent and forgive.

(b) Someone Comes to You with an Offense

(i) Guard your heart from premature judgement and offenses.

(ii) Challenge the person to obey Jesus directive – Mt. 18.

(iii) Pray and bless the person you spoke about.