Break Free of Victim Mentality

5 December 2010-12-05


1.         Introduction


“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us”


2.         Victim Mentality is a Way of Seeing and Relating


Proverbs 23:7 “As a man thinks in his heart so he is”.


·         Example of Israel – Slaves in Egypt (victims under a harsh taskmaster)

Exodus 15:22-25 “The people complained against Moses”

Their temporary hardship and difficulty caused their bitterness to show.

They looked for someone to blame.

The remedy – God revealed His Father’s Love that healed their situation.


·         Example of the Older Brother – Slaves in the Father’s house (slaves to the law)

·         Luke 15:25-31 “He was angry and would not go in”

·         The elder son served – worked hard but had no revelation of the Father’s Love.

·         He substituted works for relationship and believed he was right.


·         Personal example:

Emotionally/relationally isolated – (past unresolved).

Worked hard to gain approval (heart belief).

Developed “Victim Mentality” in many areas of life.

Journey of revelation of Father’s love and healing.

Key issues:

– breaking patterns of isolating in pain and resolving heart pain.


·         Elder Brother

Isolated                  Blamed            Justified self                Bitterness

Closed spirit          Judged            Wrong beliefs              Anger


3.         Victim Mentality sabotages Relationships

“Victims” interpret life/relationships through their heart’s bitterness

            (i) I am a victim = not my fault, hurt, I am right, withdraws

            (ii) You are my persecutor = it is your fault, you are against me, attack

            (iii) I need a rescuer = someone must come through for me, meet my needs

·         “Victims” are unable to develop emotional intimacy because they believe they are “unlovable”.

·         It is easier to play the role of the victim than to assume responsibility.

·         Note: A person with a victim mentality will play all 3 roles.


4.         Steps out of the Victim Mentality


(i) Become Aware of your Thinking/Behaviour


Questions to ask yourself -    

·         Patterns of relationships that is ugly?

·         History of hurting or being hurt?

·         Blame self or others often for things going wrong?

·         Frequent feelings of anger?

·         Childhood experiences?

(i) Yelling

(ii) Sexual abuse

(iii) Struggle with feelings, openness, over-ridden

(iv) Rejection, abandonment, other types of loss

(v) Life threatening emotional experiences

·         Felt smothered or unimportant in the family.


(ii) Ownership of Pain and Vulnerability

·         There can be no freedom without responsibility

·         What are the feelings? What are the beliefs?

·         What are the expectations?

·         What events in the past have been some of these issues?


(iii) Ask the Holy Spirit to Uncover the Roots

·         Painful experiences that impact and how they relate?

·         Personal reactions – anger, bitterness, judgements?

·         Beliefs, expectations and inner vows formed in the heart.


(iv) Yield to the Holy Spirit’s direction on how to resolve them?

·         Personal ministry and counsel?

·         Repentance

·         Forgiveness

·         Renouncing judgements and inner vows


(v) Work on Renewing the Beliefs

·         What is the old belief?

·         What is the truth?

·         Meditate – embrace – confess the truth – ask the Holy Spirit to reveal love.


(vi) Practise Giving and Receiving Love

·         Refuse old patterns of isolating

·         Connect and practise giving and receiving love

·         Romans 8:14-15