1.      Introduction

·           Ps 11:3  If the foundations be destroyed what can the righteous do?

·           Foundations (8356) – basis, purpose, that which forms the ground to build upon.

·           Last 30 years – erosion of truth – erosion of Biblical foundations.

·           Word of God = foundation of truth to build personal and family life.

·           Overemphasis on personal rights and under emphasis on personal responsibility.

- Right = something entitled to have, have just legal claim.

- Responsibility = something for which you are accountable or answerable.

·           Gal 5:13  Must balance freedom (personal rights) with responsibility.

- Character is the ability to assume responsibility and rule over self.

- Note:  Jesus training of His disciples – John 15:15, John 14:21.

·           Obedience Ž Training Ž Coaching Ž Friendship

            (0-5)            (6-12)          (13-19)           (20+)


2.      Responsibility of Parents

·           Prov 22:6  “Train up a child in the way he should go…”

·           Train (2596) – to narrow, to discipline, to initiate.

Ž start the child moving in a specific direction not what he wants.

Ž narrow the path the child follows.

(i)       Parents are responsible to God to shape the character of their children.

(ii)      Parents have authority – a right to set their will above that of their children.

(iii)     Training requires that parents teach and that their teaching is accepted.

·           Before the child will receive your teaching, he must respect your position.

·           Training a child requires the parents to:

(i)       control the child.

(ii)      teach.

·           Eph 6:1-2  Children obey your parents – honour your father and mother.

·           Obey      = to hear under, listen attentively and act upon the direction or command.

                     = doing what told to do whether you want to or not.

·           Honour = to respect, fix a value upon, treat as prized possession.

·           Bible promises blessing and cursing depending how children respond to parent.

·           Example:

·           Luke 2:52  Jesus was subject to parents and grew in wisdom, stature, favour.

·           Lev 19:32  “You shall rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old men and fear thy God.  I am the Lord”.


3.      Parental Control of Children

a)      Control is essential to training

·           Control = to hold back, restrain, superintend, cause to follow direction.

·           Controls are like boundaries or limits, they fence off what is dangerous.

·           Control is the force or pressure a parent exercises upon a child to cause him to:

(i)       Follow directions.

(ii)      Hold back from doing what wants if left.

(iii)     Conform to standards or limits set.

·           Prov 29:15  “… child left to himself brings shame”.

·           Left to himself Ž like leaving animal in pasture without boundaries.

·           Shame = disappointment, embarrassment.


·           Child restrained from getting his own way always, throwing tantrums, fussing, is free to enjoy family.

·           Children need boundaries = evidence of love Ž security.

·           Children must have external controls until internal (self) control develops.

·           Parents who fail to set boundaries/control their children fail to train them.

Why?:        (i)  Lack knowledge God’s way   (ii) Fear of rejection by child and loss of love.

·           Children who are not trained become selfish, demanding and insecure.


b)      Conflict is inevitable

·           Attempting to control a child (direct or restrict) his activities will inevitably create conflict.

·           Most people do not enjoy conflict and would prefer to avoid it!

·           Facing conflict is part of price to pay to train your child.

·           Why conflict is inevitable:

(i)       Childs nature – natural inclination to satisfy what he wants.  (Rom 5:12)

(ii)      Child has a will of his own.

·           Child’s will and nature, wants and desires Ü Parents love and will directs and restricts.

·           Child training is not about winning battles but shaping character.

·           Points of conflict are opportunities for change.

·           Once the child knows the parent is in control they become secure.


4.      Recognising and Confronting Rebellion

a)      1 Sam 15:22-23   “Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft”

·           Rebellion opens the door for wicked spirit forces to enter families.

·           Rebellion      = open/determined defiance or resistance to authority.  (Is 14:14)

                           = wilful rejection of parents authority expressed actively/passively.

·           Active: disobeys, says no!, hits you, ignores you, ‘forgets’ instructions, throws a fit, fusses, walks away, argues, won’t be corrected, clams up.


·           Passive:  outwardly obeys but inwardly is resistant and resentful, wait ‘til own time, facial expression, need for constant reminders, sulk, withdraw.


·           Ie, the child knowingly places his will above the will of the parents.

·           When the child rejects external control and asserts his will he is responsible for the conflict.

·           Rebellion is the clash of 2 wills – one under authority with one in authority.

·           NoteEph 6:1  Children obey!

·           If rebellion is not confronted; parental authority is overthrown (revolution) and the child controls the family – demanding to be the centre of attention.


b)      The wrong way to handle!

·           Parents can neither avoid or negotiate with child’s rebellion!

·           Wrong way:  manipulate by bribes, threats or deceit (cf Eli, 1 Sam 2,3).

·           Children will never respect parents who abdicate authority and manipulate.


c)      God’s way – re-establish parental authority

(i)       Confront the issue.

(ii)      Call for change.

(iii)     Consequences (painful) for disobedience.

(iv)     Consistency.