1. Introduction
· Ps 11:3 If the foundations be destroyed what can the righteous do?
· Foundations (8356) – basis, purpose, that which forms the ground to build upon.
· Last 30 years – erosion of truth – erosion of Biblical foundations.
· Word of God = foundation of truth to build personal and family life.
· Overemphasis on personal rights and under emphasis on personal responsibility.
- Right = something entitled to have, have just legal claim.
- Responsibility = something for which you are accountable or answerable.
· Gal 5:13 Must balance freedom (personal rights) with responsibility.
- Character is the ability to assume responsibility and rule over self.
- Note: Jesus training of His disciples – John 15:15, John 14:21.
· Obedience Ž Training Ž Coaching Ž Friendship
(0-5) (6-12) (13-19) (20+)
2. Responsibility of Parents
· Train (2596) – to narrow, to discipline, to initiate.
Ž start the child moving in a specific direction not what he wants.
Ž narrow the path the child follows.
(i) Parents are responsible to God to shape the character of their children.
(ii) Parents have authority – a right to set their will above that of their children.
(iii) Training requires that parents teach and that their teaching is accepted.
· Before the child will receive your teaching, he must respect your position.
· Training a child requires the parents to:
(i) control the child.
(ii) teach.
· Eph 6:1-2 Children obey your parents – honour your father and mother.
· Obey = to hear under, listen attentively and act upon the direction or command.
= doing what told to do whether you want to or not.
· Honour = to respect, fix a value upon, treat as prized possession.
· Bible promises blessing and cursing depending how children respond to parent.
· Example:
· Luke 2:52 Jesus was subject to parents and grew in wisdom, stature, favour.
· Lev 19:32 “You shall rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old men and fear thy God. I am the Lord”.
3. Parental Control of Children
a) Control is essential to training
· Control = to hold back, restrain, superintend, cause to follow direction.
· Controls are like boundaries or limits, they fence off what is dangerous.
· Control is the force or pressure a parent exercises upon a child to cause him to:
(i) Follow directions.
(ii) Hold back from doing what wants if left.
(iii) Conform to standards or limits set.
· Prov 29:15 “… child left to himself brings shame”.
· Left to himself Ž like leaving animal in pasture without boundaries.
· Shame = disappointment, embarrassment.
· Child restrained from getting his own way always, throwing tantrums, fussing, is free to enjoy family.
· Children need boundaries = evidence of love Ž security.
· Children must have external controls until internal (self) control develops.
· Parents who fail to set boundaries/control their children fail to train them.
Why?: (i) Lack knowledge God’s way (ii) Fear of rejection by child and loss of love.
· Children who are not trained become selfish, demanding and insecure.
b) Conflict is inevitable
· Attempting to control a child (direct or restrict) his activities will inevitably create conflict.
· Most people do not enjoy conflict and would prefer to avoid it!
· Facing conflict is part of price to pay to train your child.
· Why conflict is inevitable:
(i) Childs nature – natural inclination to satisfy what he wants. (Rom 5:12)
(ii) Child has a will of his own.
· Child’s will and nature, wants and desires Ü Parents love and will directs and restricts.
· Child training is not about winning battles but shaping character.
· Points of conflict are opportunities for change.
· Once the child knows the parent is in control they become secure.
4. Recognising and Confronting Rebellion
a) 1 Sam 15:22-23 “Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft”
· Rebellion opens the door for wicked spirit forces to enter families.
· Rebellion = open/determined defiance or resistance to authority. (Is 14:14)
= wilful rejection of parents authority expressed actively/passively.
· Active: disobeys, says no!, hits you, ignores you, ‘forgets’ instructions, throws a fit, fusses, walks away, argues, won’t be corrected, clams up.
· Passive: outwardly obeys but inwardly is resistant and resentful, wait ‘til own time, facial expression, need for constant reminders, sulk, withdraw.
· Ie, the child knowingly places his will above the will of the parents.
· When the child rejects external control and asserts his will he is responsible for the conflict.
· Rebellion is the clash of 2 wills – one under authority with one in authority.
· Note: Eph 6:1 Children obey!
· If rebellion is not confronted; parental authority is overthrown (revolution) and the child controls the family – demanding to be the centre of attention.
b) The wrong way to handle!
· Parents can neither avoid or negotiate with child’s rebellion!
· Wrong way: manipulate by bribes, threats or deceit (cf Eli, 1 Sam 2,3).
· Children will never respect parents who abdicate authority and manipulate.
c) God’s way – re-establish parental authority
(i) Confront the issue.
(ii) Call for change.
(iii) Consequences (painful) for disobedience.
(iv) Consistency.