1.             INTRODUCTION


·       Ps 1:1  “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly”.

·       Counsel = 6098 = advice, purpose, guidelines.

·       God’s Word forms basis of how to conduct life – gives key principles and insights.

·       Col. 2:8 Warning lest people be spoiled by philosophy – teaching and traditions of men.

·       Spoil = 4812 = to lead away as a spoil of war, captured in a battle and rendered powerless and unable to fight or to win.

·       Believers must return to God’s Word and ways – especially in relation to family.




·       Parents have been given a responsibility by God and are accountable to him to train their children according to his standards (Prov. 22:6).

·       Train = 2596 = to narrow the way, discipline = control and teach.  Unless the child respects the authority of parent you cannot teach them.

·       Children are responsible to obey their parents in all things.  (Col 3:20)

·       Parents have authority to rule over their children (Ro 13:1-2).

= right to make decisions, set standards, require children to obey.

= right to administer justice – consequences for conduct.

·       Parents’ responsibility to direct/control their child is in direct opposition to the will and to the nature of the child.  (Prov.16:25)

·       When a child rejects parental authority it creates the conflict called rebellion.

= Active = open resistance to parents authority, argue, not listen, run away, hit, tantrum.

= Passive = forgetting, going slow, doing it their way, internal resentment.

·       As long as child accepts and respects parents right to direct/restrain he is under control.

·       Conquering rebellion means re-establishing parental authority by applying enough force to cause the rebellious child to choose to do the parent’s will and choose not to obey.




Heb 12:5 – 11 Despise not the chastening of the Lord – afterwards fruit!

·       God uses a process called “chastening” to end rebellion.


(a)        Chasten = 3809 = to train by discipline and correction

                                     = to inflict pain for the purpose of bringing about change.


            Discipline = to educate or train in conduct or attitude – describes the process

of training a person so as to be productive.


            Chasten for a parent = legitimate use of physical force to correct or restrain a

child’s rebellion.


            Parents confused about this issue because:

(i)             Feel guilty

(ii)            Promotion of Children’s Rights

(iii)           Anti authority philosophy

(iv)          Equation of chastening with abuse

(v)           No understanding God’s truth.


(b)        Chastening is an Evidence of Love and Family Membership


2 Sam 7:14  “I will be his father and he shall be my son and if he commit iniquity I will chasten him with the rod of man and with the stripes of the children of men”.


·       The relationship father-son requires proper exercise of chastening.

·       The Bible uses the term rod – never hand; hand is for blessing.

·       Heb. 12:6  “For whom the Lord loves he chastens and scourges every son whom he receives”.

Scourge = 3148 = to strike with a bendable rod.

Receive = 3858 = to accept near, delight in.

·       Rev. 3:19  “As many as I love I rebuke and chasten”.

Love = 5368 = to be a friend of, to be fond of, to have affection for.

- Chastening is evidence of God’s Love and is done to restore fellowship.

- Rebellious child is alienated; he disrupts the home and the relationship.

·         Prov. 13:24 He that spares the rod hates his son – love = chasten early.

- Spare = 2820 = to restrain, hold back, refuse.

- Son = 1121 = Builder of the family name, child of special relationship.

                     = Legal heir to the family.

- (KJV) Betimes = 7836 = early, rt to dawn.

Parents who love their children will chasten them early in their lives.

·         Heb. 12:6 – 8 Chastening is evidence of the special relationship.

- Chastening –evidence of love.

- No chastening – illegitimate child, not cared for, no inheritance, rejected.

·       Rebellious child is unhappy, broken relationship with parents, feels rejected.


(c)           Heb. 12:9-11  Chastening restores respect and brings good fruit.

- Reverence = 1788 = respect, pay attention to, honour

- Profit = 4851 = to bring together, to advantage.

- Afterwards = 5305 – eventually.

Chastening by the child’s father restores control and respect.

Chastening by the father brings godly character forth in the child.


(d)           God’s directives to children


·       Don’t despise = 3643 = to have no care for, devalue, think highly.

·       Don’t faint = 1590 = to let go and give up, become feeble

·       Endure = 5228 = to persevere with a positive attitude, stay under authority.




·       Chastening is the controlled administration of physical pain to cause a child to cease his rebelling and accept his parent’s authority.


(a)        What it is Not!

·         Verbal abuse, Punishment, Manipulation, Talking it over.


·         It’s purpose is not to cause pain, make stripes, bring tears, vent anger, punish.


(b)        It’s correct use

·       Chastening is reserved, not for childish carelessness, mistakes, but for open rejection of authority – consistent!


·         Disrespect and resistance

·         Wilful destruction of property that represents authority.

·         Chastening is done in love with purpose bringing rebellion to an end to restore the parent – child relationship so he can develop in self control.


The Rod of Correction


There are two ways you can focus the group from the Sunday message, either to focus on parenting or on how we respond personally to correction.  Pray and seek God’s leading on these as you prepare.


Hebrews 12:4-11

1.      How were you disciplined as a child?

2.      How did you respond to this “discipline”?

3.      How does this affect your parenting and the discipline of your own children?

4.      Why do you think God needs to discipline us?

5.      In what ways does God discipline or correct us?

6.      Think of a time when a church leader has corrected you.  How did you respond to the correction?

7.      How should you respond to correction? (Use the notes on Attitude 3 from the Equipping Track)

8.      What adjustments to your attitude do you need to make?



The following notes are to give you some more background in the discipline of children. It may be helpful to read some of these to your cell group.


And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord [Eph. 6:4].

“Nurture” means discipline, and “admonition” means instruction. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. No such commandment was given to parents under the Law. Under grace there are always mutual responsibilities and interactive duties. The parent is not to vent a bad disposition on a child or punish him in a fit of rage. It is the parents’ duty to teach the child the truths of the Scriptures and then to live them before the child. Don’t provoke your children to wrath. As a believer, you are to live at home like a believer.

“Fathers” includes the mothers also. However, the emphasis, I think, is on the father because the disciplining and training of the child is actually his responsibility, but it does include the mother also.

Children are not to be provoked to anger. This doesn’t mean that they are to be treated as if they were a cross between an orchid and a piece of Dresden china. I think that the board of education should be applied to the seat of learning whenever it is needed!


He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes [Prov. 13:24].

The child of God today is told “Children, obey your parents,” but the father is told, “… provoke not your children to wrath  …” (Eph. 6:1, 4). That is, don’t discipline them when you are angry or talking in a loud voice. Wait until a time when you can calmly sit down with your child and talk with him and explain why he is being disciplined. That is very important. This is the reason my father’s discipline was so good. He very calmly dealt with me, and I knew he was not doing what he did because he was angry.


Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying [Prov. 19:18].

Start with your discipline when the children are young. Don’t wait until it is too late. A man who was saved later in life told me, “My wife and I were saved recently, and we are thanking God for it, but we have lost our children. We used to live like the devil, and we can see that in our children today.” They had waited until too late to give their children the proper training.

Start when the children are young. Don’t mind if little Willie cries when you paddle him. On the other hand, every father needs to be very careful in the way he deals with his child. No one has the right to be brutal in his dealings with his children. Dr. Ironside has translated the proverb this way: “Chasten thy son while there is hope, but set not thy soul upon slaying him.” Don’t be afraid to discipline, but a brutal punishment is not to be permitted. Brutality can only tear down the child and destroy his spirit. As a matter of fact, even the law of the land can, and should, step in whenever there is brutality to children.

God has given very definite commands for Christians. He tells children to obey their parents (Eph. 6:1). But then he says to the fathers, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath …” (Eph. 6:4). Don’t wade into them when you are angry. They know you are angry and that you are just venting your anger and frustration. At that time you will probably punish too hard—in fact, you can be brutal. The command is to bring them up in the “… nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4), that is, the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.[1]




[1]J. Vernon McGee, Thru the Bible commentary [computer file], electronic ed., Logos Library System, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson) 1997, c1981 by J. Vernon McGee.